Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
