He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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