so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
