how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
