i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize