You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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