My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
