he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
