You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
