We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
