saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
