shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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