Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
