Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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