Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
