Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
