I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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