if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Are we still banned from the library?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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