like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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