In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
