Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
