i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize