dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
