My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
