shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
whose parrot is this?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
