Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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