just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
