i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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