Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
