You really coming over, don't trick.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
