The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
