DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize