Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
