Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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