The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
