The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We are all done wearing pants today
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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