My room smells like vodka and shame
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
