this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
