she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
