I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
