It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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