it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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