I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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