Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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