my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
