I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
