i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
