oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
