dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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