Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
