We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
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