i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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