just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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