Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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