my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
