D3 body, D1 cock
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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