dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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