sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
