If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
