Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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