matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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