I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
