i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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