there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
