It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
