My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
