I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
