You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
