Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
