Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
