You're completely useless in the revolution.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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