he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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