He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
