You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
