Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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